Finding Less of Me

  Every year, as Christmas approaches, I make a point to open my Bible and read the story of Jesus’s birth. This year, as I read the story, I felt especially connected to Mary. As a fellow mom, what could God teach me about Mary’s story this Christmas season? I was twenty-nine when I had my first child, but some scholars speculate that Mary was anywhere from twelve to sixteen years old when she had Jesus. I don’t know about you, but I was not mature enough to have a baby that young. Mary would have had to be mature mentally, but also spiritually. Luke 1:28 describes Mary as  “highly favored”  by God!    She was between twelve and sixteen years old and already highly favored by God - just let that sink in!  Then, when the angel told her she was going to conceive a child, her response was,  “I am the Lords servant. May it happen as you say.”   Luke 1:38. That, my friends, is pure faith and obedience in Christ. I have had much smaller callings from ...

  I had a friend recently comment that, if given the chance, she would love to be a traveling missionary. I thought, “How cool would that be?”. Traveling, seeing the world, sharing Jesus and Gods word with people you’ve  never met before.  I immediately started praying God would use me in really cool ways. But then, as God always does so beautifully - he humbled me. Brought me right out of my daydream and back to my (not so elaborate) reality....  my daughter, I am using you.  I am using you in all the ways you’re too busy to see. When you fold the laundry, when you do the dishes, when you prepare meals, when you clean your home, when you reach out to a friend, when you call your mom to check in, when you comfort your baby, when you pick up the toys on the living room floor for the 100th time, when you care for your pets, when you get on the floor with your daughter to play, when you kiss your husband after a long day of work, when you teach your students a...

  Aubrey fell asleep at 4 p.m. AND I was able to lay her in her crib successfully without waking her up (this almost never happens  😆 ). And there I was faced with.... what do I do now?  Most new moms know you really don’t know exactly how much time you have until your little wakes back up. So whatever you choose to do, is like REALLY IMPORTANT. Do you clean? Do you watch a Netflix show? Do you sleep? Or eat lunch? Because you just realized you haven’t eaten and it’s 4 p.m.  🤪 . Or do you take a shower without having to sing “wheels on the bus” 10x in a row to keep your baby occupied while you shave your legs OR wash your hair? Because doing both is just not acceptable to your baby boss  🤣 . This time, I decided a shower was on the top of my list. As the hot water beat across my tired and worn down body, I let my head fall. When I opened my eyes, I noticed the tattoo across the top of my foot.... “La Bella Vita”.... meaning “The Beautiful Life” in Italian. I’...

Have you ever sat down just to soak in the vastness of Gods love? I don’t think I’ve ever truly been able to grasp it, but after becoming a mother - I can relate to the unconditional love that God has for me. I can see how deep a love can grow, how wide it can span, how endless it can be - but I still know Gods love is greater.   In my challenge, this year, to read through the Bible, I was confronted with this scripture... “So I say to you, ask, and it will be given to you. Seek, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. What father among you, if his son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead of a fish? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will the heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him?” Luke‬ ‭11:9-13 This hit me hard toda...

We had a hard day.  We had a bad night of sleep followed by a day of bad naps (team no naps - amiright?  😅 ). To say I was tired, would be an understatement. I was a complete zombie (mombie?). I felt frustrated, irritated, and completely empty of joy. The last thing I wanted to do was open my bible... but I did.  I read some scripture. “Her children rise up, and call her blessed” Proverbs 31:28 “As a mother comforts her son, so I will comfort you, and you will be comforted.” ‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭66:13‬ ‭ “Let us not get tired of doing good, for we will reap at the proper time if we don’t give up.” ‭‭Galatians‬ ‭6:9‬ ‭  I looked up some inspirational Christian quotes. “God: I didn’t ask you to be her. I asked you to be you.” “Girl, get up and try again! Those are tiny problems. You serve a BIG GOD!” - the makers map  “Pray about it as much as you think about it” I turned on my favorite Christian playlist (I’ll be happy to share my whole playlist if you’re interested!)....

As I sat among my closest friends one evening, I realized    the conversation had changed. The intricately planned weddings and house buying conversations had changed to Boppys, mamaroos, nosefriedas,    and bumbos - so many terms I knew nothing about. And while my heart was incredibly happy for my friends, my mind kept telling me, I was missing something.  I went to about 6 baby showers in a two year time frame. I felt bombarded with emotions that were opposite of the fruits God called me to bear. For the most part, I felt I held it together, but at one of the last showers I attended, I remember getting in my car afterwards and crying my eyeballs out. Another day, I was out grocery shopping when a friend’s  mother commented on how all my friends we’re either pregnant or already had a baby and when were we going to join the club...? Instant heartache. As I held back my tears that day, I could only kindly respond with a forced smile, “In God’s time.”  I...

Let’s talk about postpartum depression.. So you’ve had a baby, your life has been turned upside down in the best way possible. Your obsessed with your new little nugget and could stare at them all day, but then, they cry...  and cry, and cry,  and cry.  And you’re changing diaper after diaper, and getting spit up on, and clusterfeeding and when did you last shower? Put on make up? Put on real clothes? Got outside of the house?  I remember one of the first times I left the house. It was for my nieces birthday party. Almost 2 weeks after having my baby, my husband and I loaded up the car with our new bundle and headed to the park for the party. I acted like everything was fine, but inside all I felt was panic and anxiety. We got in the car after the party and I started crying. Justin asked what was wrong, and I said, “that was just really hard.” “What was?” He said. “Being around that many people,” I responded.  I didn’t recognize it then,...

As Aubreys half birthday is approaching, I’ve been on an emotional roller coaster these last few weeks - reminiscing on sweet newborn grunts, uncoordinated baby movements, so many tiny diapers, and learning a whole new normal with a brand new family member. All this reminiscing has brought me to write down Aubrey’s birth story - so I don’t forget how great our God is. So if you’re not into birth stories, I have plenty of other posts for you to read. But if you are - here goes... I felt like I was realistic when it came to having a baby. I knew I could make plans but, ultimately, it was up to God how everything was going to go down. I’m a planner at heart. All my friends know this. I thrive in having a well thought out plan. A plan so detailed that I have literally thought about everything that could go wrong and have created another plan in case of said disaster. With that said, my plan was to have a healthy baby and happy mama (epidural please!). I wanted lavender oils diffus...

As a stay at home mom, days can get lonely. Which I realize is ironic since you have a little one attached to you most of the day. But it’s true. After a while, you miss having adult conversation, and you also start to feel like you’ve forgotten how. So, I was excited when I had the opportunity to meet a few moms at the park one morning, and I learned so much from these beautiful women. I learned that we each “mom” our own way. That everybody reads books, and everybody adapts to what works for them. We have all tried ALL the swaddles to get baby to sleep, some breastfeed, some bottle feed, some rock to sleep, some don’t, some have schedules, and some let baby lead, some co-sleep, others crib sleep - but one thing we all had in common - we all love our babies. And when it comes down to it - isn’t that all that really matters? I found out quickly these women were my people. Women who were willing to crawl down into the trenches with me and speak truth. That motherhood is hard, a...

Written when Tink was 3 months... I was feeding my daughter the other day when she popped off, looked up at me and offered the biggest toothless grin and gurgle. I melted. And then... I cried... happy tears. But they were also thankful and grateful tears. Thankful that God is allowing me each day with my daughter. And grateful that he allowed me to have a child, because we didn’t always think that was possible.  The devil was at work before we ever started trying. We weren’t sure we were going to be able to have kids. And, as a woman who felt she was destined to be a mom, that was a hard pill to swallow. But, we tried anyways. There are so many people that are in the same waters we traveled, different boats, but same water, and their stories go much differently. People so close and dear to me have not been able to see their children grow in their bellies or in this world as long as they would’ve chosen. But I want you to know, God is still faithful, even when we are be...

About 3 weeks ago, my normally happy little started acting different. She was fighting nighttime sleep, fighting naps, and fussing. As new parents, Justin and I went back and forth.... do you think it’s gas? When was the last time she did “business”? Is she hungry? Sleepy? Swaddle? No swaddle? Too hot? Too cold? Sick? Was it her 4 month shots? Will that affect her like this? Is it a leap? A sleep regression? A growth spurt?  In case you don’t know, growth spurts are the things that turn your sweet angelic baby into a ravenous sleep deprived little monster.  Unless, of course, you were blessed with a unicorn child and in that case - congratulations! You have no idea how lucky you are!  But this... this was no growth spurt... this was teething.    low and behold, a little jagged white line appeared in her bottom gums.  And in case you were wondering, teething is the thing that turns your happy-go-lucky baby into a hungry, but can’t eat; sleepy, b...

I’ve noticed, as a mom, my social skills are lacking. I either forget how to have adult conversations, or all I talk about is baby related topics, or I just don’t talk at all because  I’m so focused on what my baby needs, in that moment. And while I don’t want to discourage you from taking care of your child, I do want to encourage you to be present.  Being present is more than just physically being there. It’s being emotionally and intellectually there. It’s actively listening to what others are saying and asking questions. It’s asking people how they are and caring about HOW THEY ACTUALLY ARE - not just letting them respond with “fine” or “good” and moving on. Because if we are all being honest, most of us aren’t “fine” or “good”. Most of the time, we are in one of three places... Mountaintop - a place were everything seems to be going right.  Valley - a place where everything seems to be going wrong.  Somewhere in between - most days are good, a few cha...

This post is a little different than my other posts, but I’ve got a few friends that are expecting little bundles soon and I wanted to give a shout out to some of my favorite things that helped and still help me feel like a put together human in this journey of motherhood. ((Side note, I’m not getting paid to recommend any of these brands/products - just recommending based on my personal love for these products)) ..ONE.. Jesus! Whether it was just saying a prayer, doing a quick study, or my challenge to read the Bible through this year - spending time with Him and getting in his word has made all the difference. When I feel overwhelmed - he is the one that keeps me together.  ..TWO.. Coffee. It seriously does not matter what form you take it in - cold, hot, black, with cream - it’s all good! And the caffeine will save you when your functioning on little, to no sleep. A sweet friend of mine gifted me a pack of Starbucks pumpkin spice latte packets that you mixed with hot wa...