After the Baby

Let’s talk about postpartum depression..

So you’ve had a baby, your life has been turned upside down in the best way possible. Your obsessed with your new little nugget and could stare at them all day, but then, they cry... 

and cry,

and cry, 

and cry. 

And you’re changing diaper after diaper, and getting spit up on, and clusterfeeding and when did you last shower? Put on make up? Put on real clothes? Got outside of the house? 

I remember one of the first times I left the house. It was for my nieces birthday party. Almost 2 weeks after having my baby, my husband and I loaded up the car with our new bundle and headed to the park for the party. I acted like everything was fine, but inside all I felt was panic and anxiety. We got in the car after the party and I started crying. Justin asked what was wrong, and I said, “that was just really hard.” “What was?” He said. “Being around that many people,” I responded. 

I didn’t recognize it then, but I can clearly see now, there was a problem. You see, those little questionnaires they give you at the doctors office, you have to be honest and vulnerable. You can’t answer them how you “should” be feeling - you need to be honest. 

But I’m what you call an introverted extrovert. I love people - I do not, however, love being vulnerable with people. I am an enneagram two. I am a helper. And helpers cannot be broken. Helpers have to be completely put together at all times so they can help. 

I cannot be broken. 

I cannot need help. 

These are the things I kept telling myself.

It’s all so much clearer to me, now that I’ve processed my feelings. I’m able to see, in hindsight, when healing is on the horizon, that broken things are being mended. That God is creating a new work within me. 

But, our burdens aren’t meant to be carried alone. Our burdens are meant to be carried in community. I, unfortunately, often unload on my sister or one close friend (because I don’t like admitting I’m broken. Does anyone really? It’s so hard!). But in this situation, I didn’t even recognize it. I thought it was just a normal way to feel because everyone says how hard those first few weeks are with a new baby. 

So I’m telling you now, for all those new moms in your life - no matter what you bring, or cook, or say - showing up is better than missing the moment all together. So you fumble through words, so the card you sent wasn’t worded perfectly, so you didn’t cook a great meal - continue to reach out, show up, be consistent, and speak truth, if you feel your friend is struggling. And don’t accept “good” as an answer to “how are you?”. 

Love your friends by being a steady constant.

If your about to have a baby, I pray you don’t enter this season, if you’re in this season, I pray you recognize it and reach out to someone! 

Sweet friend, I’m praying for you! I’m here for you. Remember, God uses pressure to make diamonds and he uses brokenness to build things stronger and more beautiful than they were before. Please reach out to me if you’re struggling or have been through this season! I’d love to talk. 

You are not walking alone, sister. 

We are in this together. ✌🏼