Finding Less of Me

So, in my last post I talked about not being ready when God gave me an opportunity to share the gospel. (If you didn’t read my previous post, I recommend reading it!) I waned to follow that post with one explaining how to prepare yourself, so you are ready when God gives you a window! So, here goes! It goes without saying that God gives us an opportunity every day to share the gospel. Every day, we have the opportunity to tell someone that Christ died for our sins, he was buried, and he rose from the grave on the third day. Paul explains this in 1 Corinthians 15:1-6...  “Now I want to make clear for you, brothers and sisters, the gospel I preached to you, which you received, on which you have taken your stand and by which you are being saved, if you hold to the message I preached to you — unless you believed in vain. For I passed on to you as most important what I also received: that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he was rais...

I haven’t been leaving the house much because, you know, healing body,    new baby (who’s a milk monster), afraid of all the germs, unpredictable schedules or lack there of schedules - you get it.    But, I have been doing Walmart pick up (thank you Jesus for Walmart pickup!!! Am I right?!). But, do you know what God did at my five minute Walmart pick up encounter - He gave me an opportunity. The girl, that was loading up the groceries in my car, saw Aubrey sitting in her car seat and asked me how old she was. After I answered, she proceeded to tell me she was 7 months pregnant, with her first baby, and she was nervous. I immediately jumped into positive affirmations - that it’s hard at first but gets easier with time... that it’s worth it... that I know how she feels and it’s ok to feel that way. And, you could see, in her face, that my words did encourage her - she smiled confidently and walked off. I hopped in my car feeling awesome and then.... I didn’t.... ...

No. I don’t have it together. Not all of it anyways. I haven’t figured out a nap schedule or really a schedule at all. If she seems hungry, I feed her. If she seems tired, we try to sleep. If she won’t sleep, we try to play. It’s really all hit or miss at this point. My favorite is when people ask me if I think she’s hungry again after she just ate an hour ago.... I literally have no idea. How are you supposed to know? I can’t read her mind. I’m a new mom, just fumbling my way through motherhood.  The truth is - I thought It would all come naturally to me. I thought motherhood would be easy and I would just be tired from lack of sleep. But the truth is - it’s so much more than that. Yes your tired, but you’re also a different person after you have a child. You and your body have been through so much and you come out a stronger person, but I also think you lose part of yourself - a part you eternally give to your child.    You give the best parts of yourself to them. ...

I’m going to be honest... I have written and rewritten this post many times. I’ve been sitting on it for a good week but I finally feel like God has worked in me to make this post what he wanted it to be. So here goes... I haven’t learned to be a mom that’s cool with chaos yet. I’m sure my time is coming when all the brightly colored toys scattered among my living room floor won’t bother me. A time when the dishes sit in the sink, the laundry piles up, and we order take out for the 3rd night in a row - because I chose to focus more on my family than I did on a perfect home. But if I’m being honest - I want both. I want to focus on my family while providing a clean home and home cooked meals and I’m struggling to find order in the chaos.  I wonder why I’m like this.... why does it bother me when things aren’t washed, dried, and folded - oh, and put away! Why can’t I just leave the dishes in the sink? Why do things have to be in order? And then I turn to scripture.... Di...