You Had Me at Brunch

After Mother’s Day passed, I reflected a lot on how far I’ve come this year. From being a mama to an almost 6 month old to now being a mama to an 18 month old... it’s amazing how much we’ve both changed in a year. 

I remember the day we brought Aubs home from the hospital. She was already such a good baby (stick with me, I know you’re rolling your eyes, trust me, I am too). She slept, she ate, she cried so quietly. I thought to myself, “I’m nailing this” (insert Tiger Woods fist pump here).

Fast forward about 24 hours... I looked at my sweet, dear husband and sincerely asked him, “what the absolute H-E-double hockey sticks did we get ourselves into?!” “Will she ever stop crying?” “What do we do?” “There’s no way she’s hungry again?” “Will we ever sleep again?!” “Why did God even give men nipples if they aren’t going to help with feeding this child?” 

*Giggle*

If only I knew then, what I know now. Motherhood, especially when you haven’t been around babies much, is a steep learning curve. Let me help you understand a little better…

Imagine taking a cooking class. You know the basics… boiling water, turning on the oven, maybe even air frying - cool. The teacher starts to cover the basics and then, briefly discusses how to make a few brunch items; including, but not limited to, crepes. Because who doesn’t love a good crepe? They are light-as-heaven thin pancakes, stuffed with goodness, and usually topped with fruit AND powdered sugar. I mean.... come on! You had a great time… blah blah blah.. the end of said class.

So then, after some non-specific amount of time has passed, you’re handed all the ingredients to make melt-in-your-mouth crepes in your own kitchen, without any help from an expert (but there will be people judging you randomly). You are allowed to google, and buy whatever items you feel will help you with your endeavors from amazon. May the odds be ever in your favor. 

You suddenly have a mini panic attack because you didn’t really pay that much attention in class. You thought it would just come naturally or there would be people to help you and now your freaking out because WHAT IF YOU SCREW IT UP?!

But then, you decide to persist because YOU ARE WOMAN (here you roar)! 

And, also just adding to that little note, plenty of people make crepes all the time and they make it look so easy. Surely it can’t be that hard. 

You begin by googling a recipe because google knows everything. You decide to add a few things not mentioned in the recipe and you eyeball most of the measurements, because now you realize, your starving and crepes really do sound delicious.

Your batter is too thick, thanks to your additions, so you try to fix it. Oops, now too runny. Fix again. Ok, now batter looks good. In the pan we go.... ok... first one is just for practice, anyways. No big deal that it didn’t turn out perfect. Try again... nope burnt that one. Ok, we got this... now, how to flip. Crap. I forgot to spray the pan. Who forgets to spray the pan?! 

Now is the moment you start wondering why they spent so much time covering how to make the perfect quiche when they knew, good and well, what you really needed to know was how to make the perfect crepe - and, at this point, it doesn’t even need to be perfect, just edible. 

Any of that sound relatable to being a first time mom? The birthing classes are great. The breastfeeding classes are great. All the doctors appointments leading up to delivery are great. But what about the “raising a tiny human” classes? When do they start?

Ha. It makes me giggle now. But then I had no idea what I had gotten myself into. 

Being a first time mom is a lot like trying to cook something you’ve never made before. You don’t really know what you’re doing or how how things are going to turn out. It takes a lot of practice and I don’t think it’s something you can ever master. But if you ask for the experts help (AKA God), do what feels right, slow down, and soak in every moment… you’ll start to see that motherhood is not a sprint. We won’t become perfect moms in a day (or ever!). We are going to screw up, we are going to have off days. We will even have days we don’t feel worthy to be called mom. But this calling is a permanent calling. It’s a life long task God has given us to complete. 

I wish I could go back and give Aubrey the mom I am now. I wish I hadn’t been so hard on myself. I wish I had realized that we were both learning how to live in these new bodies. I wish I hadn’t googled every little thing - which in fact, never helped. I wish I had slowed down more in the moments, because they flew by so incredibly fast. But, I had no idea what it took to be a mom then. No idea the sacrifices I’d make, the sleep I’d lose, or the emotional trauma labor would leave me with. I had no idea how much I’d second guess myself. No idea how much I’d compare myself and my baby to others. No idea how much social media would prey on me in my weakness. And the best one… no idea that God would use all these months to draw me closer to Him. 

Mamas, listen to me… everything we fall short on, God is abundant in. Everything we lack, God has an overflowing portion. Motherhood is holy work, and it’s not just about our kids learning. We are still Gods children and we have a lot to learn ourselves. Just keep showing up everyday and loving on your littles. You’re doing such a great job! 

“But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me”

‭‭2 Timothy‬ ‭4:17‬