List of Love (1 year of experience)

Over the last few days I can’t help but realize that Justin and I are approaching our one year wedding anniversary! I can’t believe that we have been married for one whole year. I feel like it just happened yesterday. But I can’t help but think about all the things I have learned in this year of marriage and I thought I would share…

Marriage is not easy – it takes a lot of work. Justin and I dated for almost six years before we got married, so we knew each other, but we had never lived with each other. I like organization, coming home to a clean house, and if it’s not clean, it has to be clean before I can relax. Justin, however, has an organized mess way of thinking. He likes to lay everything out so he can see it and know where it is. Which leads me to the next thing I learned…

Compromise. My mother always told me to pick my fights, because you can’t fight about everything or you will never be happy. It’s true. So maybe I don’t like the mess, but I also don’t like to fight. It’s seriously not the end of the world if his gym shorts sit on the bathroom floor, or the dishes don’t get done tonight.

Enjoy the little things. In our first year of marriage, we’ve been very busy with work; and Justin with school and his internship. We really don’t get to see each other often with my schedule and His. But every night, we both come home to each other and hug and kiss and talk about our days. It seems so simple, but we enjoy the small things that make our life complete.

ALWAYS ask how their day went. Get excited when they come home from work, don’t ignore them walking through the door. It’s important to feel important and to feel loved.

Love each other always. Don’t let a fight ruin the love that you share. If you are fighting, don’t say hurtful or cruel things that belittle your better half. It’s disrespectful and can hurt them and it can even hurt you deeper than you ever meant to. Justin and I don’t fight often, and when we do it’s usually over petty stuff. But I have a tendency to speak before I think. And I’m learning how very important it is to make sure you really feel that way before you speak it.

Pray for your spouse, in private or together. Whatever you are comfortable with. But pray for them in every aspect of their life.

Have joy in everything you do. With our schedule this fall, Justin is gone for school most days, and I have to pack him lunch and dinner. I’m sure most of you feel this way, but with a full-time job it’s hard to come home from work and feel like cooking or feel like cleaning. But I have found joy in my 10pm cooking sessions. I am happy knowing that Justin will have a hot homemade meal to eat the next day and he has told me time and time again how much he enjoys having home cooked meals to eat. It may be a small thing on my part, but it’s one of the things that make our marriage work.

Be thankful for what IS done. I used to come home from work and see Justin sitting on the couch watching TV or playing Xbox because he had the day off, and I would almost feel bitter, even jealous. I’m tired, my feet hurt, I’m hungry for dinner, and there he is being lazy, on the couch, with nothing done. NOT TRUE. It was true that he was sitting on the couch and relaxing, but what was not true was that he had done that all day. The things I didn’t realize would be that he washed all of our clothes, cleaned our bathroom, and changed our sheets, a bunch of things that I was just overlooking. So my advice to you is to realize the things that have been done, appreciate those, be thankful for those, and don’t complain about all the things that weren’t done.

Another note I need to make is that EVERYONE DESERVES A DAY OFF. Even if he had sat on the couch all day, there is no reason I should make judgment of that. We have hard, rough, exhausting weeks and if one of us chooses to not do anything but watch lifetime movies and eat Cheetos, then we should be able to. Try to go easy on each other and not expect too much from your husband/wife. Life is hard and sometimes we need that day to just regroup and relax – and that’s OKAY.

Spend time with friends together and time with friends apart. Some of my best moments in marriage have been with a group of good friends. I see Justin laughing, smiling, having a good time, and it makes me love him more. It reminds me how much I love to see him happy. I’ve also come to realize how much I love my time with my girlfriends. It’s my time sit and talk about girl stuff, or even to get a female perspective on something going on in my life. It’s refreshing and it’s very much needed in your marriage.

Dress up and go out! I know money is tight. It is with us. But it’s important to get out of the house sometimes and just have a date night. It rekindles your love; it adds a spice to your marriage. It’s fun… just do it! And if for some reason you don’t have the extra money – rent a redbox movie; cook something different you’ve never tried. But spend that time together.

Give a little and get a little. I’ve learned this a million times over. The more I give, the more I get… and the great part is – we don’t even realize we are doing it. The more I cook, pack lunches for Justin, and lay out his gym shorts for when he gets home, any little minor thing I do – the more he does for me. It’s amazing what being selfless in marriage gets you! So try it!

Always kiss each other good night… Justin bought me a sign in college that says “always kiss me good night” and I loved it from the very beginning and we carried it from each place that we've lived. I don't care if you're fighting or if you're angry or if you feel like the world is collapsing down on you… kiss your husband or wife good night always.

Don't rush through marriage. Don't feel like you have to act like you've been together for 50 years. Marriage is about learning more and more about each other every day. It's about growing together, becoming stronger, and becoming one. Marriage is something that is supposed to be sacred and is supposed to be cherished. So cherish your marriage, fight for it, and treat it like it's the only thing that matters.

Spend time with each other's family and cherish them as your own. Their part of your extended family now and it's so important to treat them as if you treat your own parents. Relationships built with these people are the basis of your marriage. It’s very important to respect them, get advice from them, watch how they act in their marriage, and learn what you can. They are some of the only role-models we have in marriage, and sometimes they are the best.

I have to admit when I started writing this list of the do’s and don’ts marriage or advice for marriage (whatever you want to call it) I didn't think that it would be this long. I thought I'd be able to make it short and sweet. But the funny thing is... I could go on and on.  There's a lot more that I've learned in this year that I could add to this list, but I think it's important for those of you who are married or about to venture into marriage, for you to learn some things on your own. Share with me some things you've learned!

In a world where marriage seems to fail be the one to make it last forever