New Year, Same Me

 As I was browsing social media on NYE, a  childhood friend of mine posted a reflection on her past year, and a point she made really lit my soul on fire. She was saying that this past year was incredibly tough on her, and how most people when a new year rolls around say different versions of, “we’ll do better, we’ll be better, here’s to a new year and a new me!” 

Instead, her thought was, what if I don’t want to lose this part of me? What if this messy, softer version of myself is someone I want to carry with me into the new year? Yes, it was a tough year, but I came out on the other side… more beautiful, more vulnerable, more human.

You see, we shouldn’t want to lose what the previous year held. Whether that’s sin you want to forget, a gut wrenching loss, change you weren’t ready for, a hard season, money problems, or a diagnosis you weren’t expecting. There’s always something if you’re looking for it, because life is hard, and it’s messy.

But, how can we learn? How can we grow? How can we change? How can we know better if we are always leaving our past behind us?

This is what makes us beautiful. This is what makes us human. That we have the ability to change. That God willingly gave us the capacity to make choices of our own free will. And while that may get us into trouble from time to time, it’s what makes us human - it’s what makes us vulnerable. 

Being vulnerable isn’t a bad thing. In many cases, it’s refreshing. I’m flooded with too many people who think they know the secret to “a clutter free home”, “babies who sleep through the night”, or “how to work, keep the house clean, raise good kids, and cook a 5 star meal in one day”. And somehow all of these people want to charge me $99 for their secrets. But can’t we all just be honest with each other? Can’t we just be vulnerable and say that we are all just figuring it out as we go? We don’t need people whispering secrets. What we need is people shouting the answer. We need people who will get down in the trenches with us and say, “YES! THIS IS HARD BUT IT GETS BETTER!”

(Also, I’ll go ahead and spoil the surprise for you…There is no secret. You can’t buy the answers you’re looking for. But I’ll tell you the answer to any life, marriage, or family question you’ve got  - it’s Jesus.)

So, I think I’ll just carry my messy, unguarded, beautiful, chaotic self into the new year, because I can’t afford to leave behind what I’ve learned this year. I don’t want to forget the mistakes I made, because they taught me I still have a ton of work to do on myself. I don’t want to hide the pain I’ve been through, because it opens me up to understanding and compassion for others. I don’t want to leave behind all of the messy, hard parts of my life, because in time, they’ll turn into something beautiful again. I also don’t want to pretend like I have a master plan for making 2022 the best year yet, because I don’t.

What I do know, and what I’ve decided to do for this new year is to completely and fully surrender it all to the Lord. My shortcomings, my sin, my family, my marriage, my pain, my joy, my all. He can have it all. And I pray that He will use it ALL for HIS glory.

The idea of resolutions or goals is not a bad thing. We aren’t meant to sit idly while God works. We aren’t meant to stay the same. As Christian’s, we are called to go. We are called to tell the good news. We are also called to grow and develop deeper in our faith.  Therefore, when we make resolutions, they should be rooted in God, fueled by God, and guided by God. 

May 2022 bless you beyond measure, friend. And if you haven’t already, I hope you come to know Jesus this year. He will, by far, make it the best year yet.